The Essence of Unconditional Love: LOVE 101

WHAT is Unconditional LOVE?

Unconditional love is simply the essence of love itself without attaching particular conditions that distort or limit the flow of love. So what is Love? From an energy perspective, love is a force, it is a connective force holding each of us, our relationships, our families, communities and humanity as a whole together. 

Our lives are dependent upon love, just as we are dependent upon the gravitational force to keep us from flying off into outer space, love keeps us from entropy(unavailability of energy & disorder in a system). We are all subject to the forces in the universe, love is only one, but love is the one we have the most control over. So why does love seem like such a mystery? 

WHERE does love happen? 

Everybody needs love, whether they want it or not. So if love is a force, how do we access it, where is the love? Is it in the heart? We are certainly flooded with the idea that love resides in the heart, along with other romantic notions of love. One train of thought says that love is a conscious decision rather than a feeling by which one is overwhelmed, so is love in the mind? Many associate physical intimacy with love, which implies the body while still others claim love as an altruistic force of the spirit. 

I would say the body, heart, mind and spirit are all equally valid examples of the different levels one can experience connection within oneself and with others. A holistic love would include all these levels. And speaking in more quantum energy terms love is the connective force residing in the space between the particles. It follows then that love happens in the area between the individuals, it is the force bringing and holding them together. This force is ever present and available to us, so why are we as humans longing for connection?

WHO do you love?

Who do you love? …yourself, family, friends, pets, humanity? There are different types of love connections but they all begin with you. The depth to which you are loving yourself is the depth to which you are capable of loving another. The limitation of conditions placed on self love become your primary limitation in sharing love with others.  

Is the love different if the type of bond is different? When speaking of the essence of love, the pure connective force, it is all the same energy. This is an important thing to remember and an ideal goal would be to stay unconditionally loving of all in each moment, placing no limitations on this. I can hear all the yeah but… statements in response to the idea of “unconditional” love of all. So I will make one distinction to hopefully ease most of these reactions. 

Particular conditions placed on love are different than setting healthy personal and relational boundaries. These don’t need to interfere with the essence of love, as they are a love based creation. Healthy boundaries are structurally foundational, creating the platform and space for the experience of life and love. So keep the healthy boundaries in place and keep the love flowing through. 

WHY do we need love? 

Understanding why we need love allows us to make wiser choices about pursuing love. Speaking from an energy perspective, love is one of the universal forces governing the shape of our human lives, our survival is dependent upon it. We have a number of survival based forces in addition to love, all operating often subconsciously. We seldom think of love in real survival terminology, but my point in doing so is to remind you that the source of your drive for love is that basic and primal. 

No wonder people can lose their heads and act so out of character when it comes to love. This primal drive is why people fall prey to the romanticized fairy tail vision of what love is, sometimes pushing away the real love in their lives because it doesn’t fit the preconceived idea. It is why so many have allowed mistreatment in relationship as an unavoidable part of the package. The present day “me too” movement is seeking a correction to this long standing problem in society. These are simply a couple of the traps we fall into as humans trying to master the force of love. 

But,…I don’t know HOW! 

How do we love? We choose to. Each individual organism has agency to utilize their life force at will. To somewhat over simplify one’s free will for this context, the movement generated by one’s will is either creative or destructive. If it is creative and life sustaining, it is love based. If it is destructive, it is not.

Moving beyond the initial choice to love we get into the nuances of that choice. If we want to surpass the distortions and limitations, to experience the universality of love, it is imperative that we have clarity of our motivational drives. These drives are governed by our free will and energy sourced by the force we call love.

A good quick way to check one’s motivational drive is to ask three questions: Is this choice aligned with a position of self love? Is this choice aligned with a position of love for those I am connecting with? Is this choice aligned with a position of love for all whom may be affected in the rippling of my experiences? If you can answer yes to all three, then your motives are aligned for embodying and expressing unconditional love. Next, we take action accordingly.

When we are open to connection, we are loving. When we receive another by seeing them, hearing them or hugging them, we are connecting and thus loving. When we are authentically being ourselves, the force of love is supporting this. When we share the vulnerability of our authentic selves with others we provide the opportunity for connection and love, it then becomes the others’ choice to receive this or not. 

Why would someone choose not to receive an authentic expression from another? Many things can get in the way. Two key blocks to love are FEAR and JUDGEMENT, clearing these is the individual work one has to do. But interpersonally miscommunication is the key to muddying the waters of love. 

The language of love: Let’s talk a bit about communicating love and language. The universal language is numbers and in this language, the vibration of love is zero. It is the infinite potential, the space holding all of existence and the vibrational rate of unconditional love. 

Interpersonally though the way we express our love to others and the way we prefer to receive love from others is different. The popular book The Five Love Languages addresses these differences and miscommunications of love. The five different love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time.  Knowing how you and those you are connected to love is valuable information necessary for clear communication and increasing the force of love.

Once experiencing love in the moment, the next challenge is sustaining this in loving relationships. Living in a constantly changing environment, our love based bonds need energy to sustain them. Here we get into the psychology of love. Love’s interpersonal components of passion, intimacy and commitment. This comes into the nuances of active love. Time and energy  focused on negotiating these areas with another is what will increase the depth and strength of the love based bond.  

To summarize, the essence of unconditional love is a creative force, the governing force we have the most control over with our free will. It is a connective force that our survival depends upon. We can access and make use of this force by simply being present and open, by connecting with ourselves, others in our life and life all around us. We can increase this flow by overcoming fear, releasing judgment and communicating love in a way others can understand.

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